Friday, October 29, 2010

Zoe's Blind Date

Every woman needs a night out with a member of the opposite sex and tonight was all for Zoe.

She wore her favorite basic black dress accented with her favorite sparkly necklace, bracelet, and earrings. A spray tan gave her much needed color and her best friend, Ramona, even managed to make her wild nest of hair look decent.

“So, Harry, I understand you’re a dentist.” She smiled, careful not to show her teeth too much. Dental care hadn’t been a priority lately.

“Yes.” He shifted in his chair looking a little too uneasy. He managed a brief smile. “Uh, you didn’t say what you do.”

Zoe sipped her wine and looked around, admiring the candlelit restaurant with its elegant surroundings.

“I’m a personal consultant,” she replied, looking up when the waiter set her steak in front of her. Oh good, nice and rare. Just the way she liked it.

Zoe didn’t mind that she carried a bulk of the conversation during the meal. She enjoyed talking to people and since she didn’t get out a lot, she planned to make this evening one to remember.

By the time dessert arrived, Harry had relaxed enough to even smile at her and relate a few humorous anecdotes about his patients.

And when they left the restaurant and it turned out Zoe’s car wouldn’t start, Harry insisted on driving her home instead of her calling for a cab.

“Please come in for some brandy,” she invited, once they arrived at her house. “I feel so bad you had to drive out of your way.” She lightly placed her hand on his arm.

Harry hesitated then nodded. “Sure, why not?”

Zoe guided him to the living room then headed for the kitchen to get the bottle of brandy and a couple snifters. She always believed in being properly prepared.

“I’m so glad you came in. I get out so rarely that it’s lovely to have company.” She sat down next to him and poured a bit of brandy in each snifter.
Harry started to lift his glass to his lips when he noticed something floating in the alcohol. He recoiled in horror.

“Oh no.” Zoe winced as she took the glass from his hand. “I am so sorry this happened.” She fished the fingernail out of the contents and placed it on the coffee table. “And I used that heavy duty glue too.”

Harry practically climbed over the back of the couch. “What the hell are you?”

Zoe moved so fast he didn’t get far.

“I’m your blind date, Harry. Just your everyday zombie woman looking for a good time and a great meal,” she informed him, widening her mouth to reveal a set of razor-sharp teeth. Her nails lengthened and fastened tightly on his arm.

“But you ate.” His eyes rolled around like marbles in a circle.

“Oh, the steak was just for show and it did make a very nice appetizer,” she told him. “But I really prefer something a lot fresher.”

Harry had no time to even scream before Zoe’s fingers broke his skull open and scooped out his brains.

Zoe was snacking on her date’s bone marrow as she wiped the blood and gore off her couch.

“That salesman assured me the fabric was protected against all forms of stains,” she grumbled, pouring on more upholstery cleaner. “I guess I’ll just have to invite him out here and show him that wasn’t the case.”


  1. I've been on too many "blind" dates not to think the story was hilarious!

  2. So did it give you ideas Phoebe?

    In the past I've used friends' disasterous blind dates in my books. I told them they were too good not to use.