“Be vewy vewy
quiet, we’we hunting lepwechauns,” Horace intoned, creeping along the lush
grass covered path. He ignored the birds perched in the trees overhead,
although he did growl when bird poo plopped on his head.
“Dude, you
have got to stop watching cartoons,” Puff muttered, nudging him with his ear.
“Those
cartoons are classics,” the gargoyle informed him, looking at the paths
branching off. “We need to go left.”
“We go
right,” Fluff argued.
“Hello!” Puff
rolled his eyes. “We stay on this path for three more kilometers.” A small map
hung from his ears.
“Dude, didn’t
you ever hear of GPS?” Horace
hooted, flicking his claw at a map corner.
“Dude.”
Sarcasm dripped from the word. “Did you ever hear how our magick and
electronics don’t mix?”
“Plus Krebs
wouldn’t let us use his,” Fluff muttered. “He said we already ruined four of
them and he didn’t intend to see us screw up a fifth.”
Horace came
to a stop and stared at Puff, tipping his head to the side so far he almost
fell over. “You dummy, it’s upside down!” He snatched the map and turned it
around.
“Why’d you do
that? Now we have to go back the other way!” Fluff smacked his brother slipper
with his ear and flipped around. “And look there!” He pointed upward where a
colorful rainbow hung in the sky.
The threesome
already knew their destination was the end of that rainbow.
“We’ve got to
get there before someone else finds it and demands the leprechaun give up his
gold.” Horace rubbed his claws in gleeful anticipation. He already had plans
for his share. Big screen Hi Def TV topped the list.
“How do we
know he even has a pot of gold?” Fluff asked, starting to slow down.
”Because if someone gets the gold, the rainbow disappears,” Horace told him.
“Are you sure?
My feet hurt!”
“We don’t
have feet, dork.” Puff hip checked Fluff.
“Doesn’t
matter, something hurts. And there’s rocks here,” he whined.
“Quiet. We’re
getting closer and we don’t want the leprechaun to hear us,” Horace warned
them. He began to wish he’d done this hunt on his own. But he needed Fluff and
Puff’s magick along with his own just to get them to the Emerald Isle. Maybe he
wouldn’t have to split the gold three ways. Rabbits can’t count all that well,
can they? He vowed to keep a mega gargoyle share.
Lilting
sounds of a flute reached Fluff and Puff’s ears first. They mined shushing
Horace and the trio fanned out along the path finally reaching the center of
the forest where they came upon a small glade covered in perfect four leaf
clovers.
Bands of
brilliant color ended in a large cauldron holding a dazzling amount of gold
coins.
“Gold,”
Horace whispered with awe, his eyes glowing avarice.
“We can buy a
chocolate company,” Fluff breathed, staring at the pot.
“We can buy
the world.” Puff was close behind.
Except seated
on a nearby rock was a three-foot high red bearded man dressed in an emerald
green jacket and breeches with a green bowler perched on his curly mop of rusty
red hair. His round cheeks glowed red as he played a lively dance tune on his
flute.
Horace tapped
a clawed foot in time to the music.
“Mine, all
mine.”
“Ours,”
Puff reminded him.
“Why’re ye
here disturbing Seamus’s playing, magickal ones?” The leprechaun looked up from
his playing.
“For your
gold.” Horace stepped forward with the slippers on either side of him.
Seamus
laughed as he set down his flute and hopped off the rock, dancing around the pot. The buckles on his black
shoes gleamed the same color as the coins that overflowed their container.
“Ye shall not
have my gold, creatures,” he sang out, dancing a jig.
“It’s in the
rules,” Horace argued. “We demand your gold. You give it to us.”
“You have to
catch me first!” He laughed, continuing to dance. He snatched up his flute and
began playing again.
The game was
on. Horace, Fluff and Puff fanned out ready to catch the elusive leprechaun.
But the little man hadn’t lived these many thousand years without tricks of his
own. The gold was his and he wasn’t about to give it up.
Magickal
keepaway began and an hour later, Horace was panting with fatigue – after all
the gargoyle was more used to lounging around Stasi’s lingerie boutique than
doing any form of exercise. Fluff and Puff weren’t doing much better since
their idea of activity was taking vigorous naps.
“I told ye!”
Seamus chortled, dancing away from them.
But Horace
was determined. Damn it, he had that TV all picked out! And a Bose sound
system. He ran at Seamus like a linebacker but tripped and skidded through the
grass as Seamus winked out of sight and appeared nearby.
“Enough, I
have no more time for this marlarky,” Seamus announced. “Ye didn’t even offer
me a pint.”
“Then give us
the gold!” Horace yelled at him.
The
leprechaun stared at the gargoyle. “Ye three didna do me right. Ye three didna
leave me sight. Ye three must pay the piper and see the light.” He picked up
his flute and played a variety of notes that seemed to fly in the air like
glowing gnats and buzzed around the trio.
“Hey!” Horace
swatted at the intruders, but they only swarmed closer.
“No!” The
slippers wailed as they were likewise attacked.
Just as
suddenly, their assailants were gone. And so was Seamus and his pot of gold.
Fluff and
Puff stared at each other; their razor sharp toothy mouths wide open. “We’re green!”
They turned to face Horace who looked down at himself.
“What the –“
The gargoyle practically wheezed. “I’m – I’m –“
“Gold.” The
slippers whispered the word with the reverence they usually only gave to
licorice root and chocolate.
Horace threw
his claws up to the sky. “I look like an Academy Award!” he wailed, before
looking down. “Don’t even think it,” he growled, as the slippers advanced on
him with the same intensity Elmer Fudd used in tracking Bugs Bunny. “What are
you doing?” He fought the net that covered him as the slippers tipped him to
the ground and began slowly, but steadily, dragging him out of the glade.
“Do you know
what gold’s going for now?” Fluff asked his best bud as they made their way.
“No, but we
can check once we get him home.” Puff ignored Horace’s curses and threats as
they hauled their booty back to the magick portal that would send them back
home. “We should probably pick up some bleach too. Green isn’t a good color for
me.”
Just remember
– if you catch a leprechaun and demand his pot ‘o gold make sure you have a
dram of whiskey or a pin. Otherwise, might end up green or gold too!
