Searching for that Pot 'O Gold!

 

“Be vewy vewy quiet, we’we hunting lepwechauns,” Horace intoned, creeping along the lush grass covered path. He ignored the birds perched in the trees overhead, although he did growl when bird poo plopped on his head.

“Dude, you have got to stop watching cartoons,” Puff muttered, nudging him with his ear.

“Those cartoons are classics,” the gargoyle informed him, looking at the paths branching off. “We need to go left.”

“We go right,” Fluff argued.

“Hello!” Puff rolled his eyes. “We stay on this path for three more kilometers.” A small map hung from his ears.

“Dude, didn’t you ever hear of GPS?” Horace hooted, flicking his claw at a map corner.

“Dude.” Sarcasm dripped from the word. “Did you ever hear how our magick and electronics don’t mix?”

“Plus Krebs wouldn’t let us use his,” Fluff muttered. “He said we already ruined four of them and he didn’t intend to see us screw up a fifth.”

Horace came to a stop and stared at Puff, tipping his head to the side so far he almost fell over. “You dummy, it’s upside down!” He snatched the map and turned it around.

“Why’d you do that? Now we have to go back the other way!” Fluff smacked his brother slipper with his ear and flipped around. “And look there!” He pointed upward where a colorful rainbow hung in the sky.

The threesome already knew their destination was the end of that rainbow.

“We’ve got to get there before someone else finds it and demands the leprechaun give up his gold.” Horace rubbed his claws in gleeful anticipation. He already had plans for his share. Big screen Hi Def TV topped the list.

“How do we know he even has a pot of gold?” Fluff asked, starting to slow down.

”Because if someone gets the gold, the rainbow disappears,” Horace told him.

“Are you sure? My feet hurt!”

“We don’t have feet, dork.” Puff hip checked Fluff.

“Doesn’t matter, something hurts. And there’s rocks here,” he whined.

“Quiet. We’re getting closer and we don’t want the leprechaun to hear us,” Horace warned them. He began to wish he’d done this hunt on his own. But he needed Fluff and Puff’s magick along with his own just to get them to the Emerald Isle. Maybe he wouldn’t have to split the gold three ways. Rabbits can’t count all that well, can they? He vowed to keep a mega gargoyle share.

Lilting sounds of a flute reached Fluff and Puff’s ears first. They mined shushing Horace and the trio fanned out along the path finally reaching the center of the forest where they came upon a small glade covered in perfect four leaf clovers.

Bands of brilliant color ended in a large cauldron holding a dazzling amount of gold coins.

“Gold,” Horace whispered with awe, his eyes glowing avarice.

“We can buy a chocolate company,” Fluff breathed, staring at the pot.

“We can buy the world.” Puff was close behind.

Except seated on a nearby rock was a three-foot high red bearded man dressed in an emerald green jacket and breeches with a green bowler perched on his curly mop of rusty red hair. His round cheeks glowed red as he played a lively dance tune on his flute.

Horace tapped a clawed foot in time to the music.

“Mine, all mine.”

“Ours,” Puff reminded him.

“Why’re ye here disturbing Seamus’s playing, magickal ones?” The leprechaun looked up from his playing.

“For your gold.” Horace stepped forward with the slippers on either side of him.

Seamus laughed as he set down his flute and hopped off the rock, dancing  around the pot. The buckles on his black shoes gleamed the same color as the coins that overflowed their container.

“Ye shall not have my gold, creatures,” he sang out, dancing a jig.

“It’s in the rules,” Horace argued. “We demand your gold. You give it to us.”

“You have to catch me first!” He laughed, continuing to dance. He snatched up his flute and began playing again.

The game was on. Horace, Fluff and Puff fanned out ready to catch the elusive leprechaun. But the little man hadn’t lived these many thousand years without tricks of his own. The gold was his and he wasn’t about to give it up.

Magickal keepaway began and an hour later, Horace was panting with fatigue – after all the gargoyle was more used to lounging around Stasi’s lingerie boutique than doing any form of exercise. Fluff and Puff weren’t doing much better since their idea of activity was taking vigorous naps.

“I told ye!” Seamus chortled, dancing away from them.

But Horace was determined. Damn it, he had that TV all picked out! And a Bose sound system. He ran at Seamus like a linebacker but tripped and skidded through the grass as Seamus winked out of sight and appeared nearby.

“Enough, I have no more time for this marlarky,” Seamus announced. “Ye didn’t even offer me a pint.”

“Then give us the gold!” Horace yelled at him.

The leprechaun stared at the gargoyle. “Ye three didna do me right. Ye three didna leave me sight. Ye three must pay the piper and see the light.” He picked up his flute and played a variety of notes that seemed to fly in the air like glowing gnats and buzzed around the trio.

“Hey!” Horace swatted at the intruders, but they only swarmed closer.

“No!” The slippers wailed as they were likewise attacked.

Just as suddenly, their assailants were gone. And so was Seamus and his pot of gold.

Fluff and Puff stared at each other; their razor sharp toothy mouths wide open. “We’re green!” They turned to face Horace who looked down at himself.

“What the –“ The gargoyle practically wheezed. “I’m – I’m –“

“Gold.” The slippers whispered the word with the reverence they usually only gave to licorice root and chocolate.

Horace threw his claws up to the sky. “I look like an Academy Award!” he wailed, before looking down. “Don’t even think it,” he growled, as the slippers advanced on him with the same intensity Elmer Fudd used in tracking Bugs Bunny. “What are you doing?” He fought the net that covered him as the slippers tipped him to the ground and began slowly, but steadily, dragging him out of the glade.

“Do you know what gold’s going for now?” Fluff asked his best bud as they made their way.

“No, but we can check once we get him home.” Puff ignored Horace’s curses and threats as they hauled their booty back to the magick portal that would send them back home. “We should probably pick up some bleach too. Green isn’t a good color for me.”

Just remember – if you catch a leprechaun and demand his pot ‘o gold make sure you have a dram of whiskey or a pin. Otherwise, might end up green or gold too!

Fluff and Puff on the Naughty List

“You’re on the Naughty List!”

“No, you’re on the Naughty List!”

Red, gold and dark green sparks of magick flew through the air as the bunny slippers faced off.

“Santa wrote Fluff on the naughty list,” Puff insisted, glaring at his brother slipper.

“The name there is Puff,” Fluff countered, shooting another a red spear of power at him. The slipper deftly avoided the weapon.

“Hey! What in Hades is going on here?” A wide-eyed Jazz stared the disaster zone once known as her bedroom.

Her black and white print comforter hung from the ceiling while red and black throw pillows floated around the room. Perfume bottles drifted around like scented ornaments. She quickly ducked just in time as a shot of magick almost created a new part in her hair.

“Stop it now!” She threw out her hands and froze the slippers in place. Their eyes rolled and tiny growls left their mouths as they glared at her. “If you promise to behave and clean up this mess I will release you. And then I want to know why you two are acting like this. Blink one for yes, you’ll behave.” After the receiving the signal. She reversed her spell. “Now, why are you fighting?”

“Fluff is on the Naughty List and he claims it’s me,” Puff shouted, bouncing up and down.

“It’s Puff who’s on the Naughty List!”

“So why the battle?”

Fluff tipped his ear toward Jazz and a long scroll unrolled in front of her.

Her lips parted in shock. “You stole Santa’s Naughty List? It’s Christmas Eve! Santa needs this list tonight.”

“And he’s on it.” They pointed at each other.

“But it doesn’t say exactly which one of us is on it,” Puff explained. “Look under the Us.”

Jazz scanned the List and soon saw why the problem. “Uff,” she said.

“For Puff.”

“For Fluff!”

They glared at each other and started revving up some magick until Jazz pointed a warning finger at each.
“You know what? I don’t have time for this. Nick, Krebs, and Letitia and I are going to a party tonight.” She headed for her closet and pulled out a red sparkly dress. “I want this mess cleaned up by the time I get out of the shower. And the two of you make up. Personally, I wouldn’t put either of you on the Nice List. And I’m sure Santa would agree with me.” After pulling lingerie out of drawers she sailed into the bathroom. “And clean up my room!”

“Like she cleans it up,” Puff muttered, zapping the floating pillows while Fluff worked on bringing the comforter back to the bed. The perfume bottles returned to their upright position on the dresser. “As if there’s someone out there named Uff.”

Fluff’s dark eyes lit up and he spun around. “There’s one way to find out for sure,” he said slowly.

Puff stared at his partner in magickal crime and smiled.

“Yeah.”

This time, they linked their ears and willed their power to a new high.

“Santa, come to us. Come to us now. Santa, bring our presents and bring them swift. Prove we’re on the Nice List,” they chanted. “And give it to us now right away!”

The temperature in the room dropped a good sixty degrees as snow fell on them in thick drifts.
“Whoa, something went wrong!” Fluff’s fangs chattered from the ice cold.

“The sound of sleigh bells rang loud in their ears and they ducked as something large swooped over their heads.

“Why have you called me here? This is my busiest night of the year.” The large man dressed in red trimmed with white fur climbed out of his sleigh and loomed over the bunny slippers. He spied the scroll lying nearby. “So that’s where it went.” He snapped his fingers, The scroll instantly appeared between his gloved fingertips and he tucked it away. Then he turned his gaze on the slippers. “Why did you steal my Naughty List?”

“To see which one of us was on it,” the slippers said in unison.

His belly jiggled as he laughed. “Silly bunny slippers. You have your very own list.” He snapped his fingers again and a scroll unrolled until it almost filled the room. “Master Uff only had a few transgressions to rate being on the Naughty List. The two of you surpassed that.” He frowned at them.

“Soooo, no gifts?” Fluff asked, trying unsuccessfully to wrap his ears around his shivering body.

“No sled? ATV? Race car?” Puff added hopefully.

“Only what you deserve.” Santa hopped into his sleigh and took off in a wink of red and gold lights.

A holiday dressed Jazz walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of her favorite perfume. “Now you better have cleaned everythi—“ She stopped short, stared at the chaos that used to be her room and shook her head. She took several deep breaths but the rolling thunder overhead warned everyone her temper was rapidly fraying. She returned to the bathroom and came back out holding two scrub brushes and a bottle of cleaner. “Get to it.” She navigated the room on red high heels and closed the door behind her.

Fluff zapped his cleaning brush at his brother. “You just had to steal the List and get us in even more trouble, didn’t you?”

“Me? It was you!” Both brushes flew at Puff. They bounced off the mountain of coal, sending black dust everywhere that created a nasty black paste thanks to the snow Santa left behind.

PS: It took a lot of Jazz’s magick to get the room back to what it was and as for the slippers, they weren’t off the Naughty List for a Very Long Time.

So whether you’re on the Nice List or Naughty List, have a wonderful holiday

Searching for that Pot 'O Gold

“Be vewy vewy quiet, we’we hunting lepwechauns,” Horace intoned, creeping along the lush grass covered path. He ignored the birds perched in the trees overhead, although he did growl when bird poo plopped on his head.

“Dude, you have got to stop watching cartoons,” Puff muttered, nudging him with his ear.

“Those cartoons are classics,” the gargoyle informed him, looking at the paths branching off. “We need to go left.”

“We go right,” Fluff argued.

“Hello!” Puff rolled his eyes. “We stay on this path for three more kilometers.” A small map hung from his ears.

“Dude, didn’t you ever hear of GPS?” Horace hooted, flicking his claw at a map corner.

“Dude.” Sarcasm dripped from the word. “Did you ever hear how our magick and electronics don’t mix?”

“Plus Krebs wouldn’t let us use his,” Fluff muttered. “He said we already ruined four of them and he didn’t intend to see us screw up a fifth.”

Horace came to a stop and stared at Puff, tipping his head to the side so far he almost fell over. “You dummy, it’s upside down!” He snatched the map and turned it around.

“Why’d you do that? Now we have to go back the other way!” Fluff smacked his brother slipper with his ear and flipped around. “And look there!” He pointed upward where a colorful rainbow hung in the sky.

The threesome already knew their destination was the end of that rainbow.

“We’ve got to get there before someone else finds it and demands the leprechaun give up his gold.” Horace rubbed his claws in gleeful anticipation. He already had plans for his share. Big screen Hi Def TV topped the list.

“How do we know he even has a pot of gold?” Fluff asked, starting to slow down.
”Because if someone gets the gold, the rainbow disappears,” Horace told him.

“Are you sure? My feet hurt!”

“We don’t have feet, dork.” Puff hip checked Fluff.

“Doesn’t matter, something hurts. And there’s rocks here,” he whined.

“Quiet. We’re getting closer and we don’t want the leprechaun to hear us,” Horace warned them. He began to wish he’d done this hunt on his own. But he needed Fluff and Puff’s magick along with his own just to get them to the Emerald Isle. Maybe he wouldn’t have to split the gold three ways. Rabbits can’t count all that well, can they? He vowed to keep a mega gargoyle share.

Lilting sounds of a flute reached Fluff and Puff’s ears first. They mined shushing Horace and the trio fanned out along the path finally reaching the center of the forest where they came upon a small glade covered in perfect four leaf clovers.

Bands of brilliant color ended in a large cauldron holding a dazzling amount of gold coins.

“Gold,” Horace whispered with awe, his eyes glowing avarice.

“We can buy a chocolate company,” Fluff breathed, staring at the pot.

“We can buy the world.” Puff was close behind.

Except seated on a nearby rock was a three-foot high red bearded man dressed in an emerald green jacket and breeches with a green bowler perched on his curly mop of rusty red hair. His round cheeks glowed red as he played a lively dance tune on his flute.

Horace tapped a clawed foot in time to the music.

“Mine, all mine.”

“Ours,” Puff reminded him.

“Why’re ye here disturbing Seamus’s playing, magickal ones?” The leprechaun looked up from his playing.

“For your gold.” Horace stepped forward with the slippers on either side of him.

Seamus laughed as he set down his flute and hopped off the rock, dancing around the pot. The buckles on his black shoes gleamed the same color as the coins that overflowed their container.

“Ye shall not have my gold, creatures,” he sang out, dancing a jig.

“It’s in the rules,” Horace argued. “We demand your gold. You give it to us.”
“You have to catch me first!” He laughed, continuing to dance. He snatched up his flute and began playing again.

The game was on. Horace, Fluff and Puff fanned out ready to catch the elusive leprechaun. But the little man hadn’t lived these many thousand years without tricks of his own. The gold was his and he wasn’t about to give it up.

Magickal keepaway began and an hour later, Horace was panting with fatigue – after all the gargoyle was more used to lounging around Stasi’s lingerie boutique than doing any form of exercise. Fluff and Puff weren’t doing much better since their idea of activity was taking vigorous naps.

“I told ye!” Seamus chortled, dancing away from them.

But Horace was determined. Damn it, he had that TV all picked out! And a Bose sound system. He ran at Seamus like a linebacker but tripped and skidded through the grass as Seamus winked out of sight and appeared nearby.

“Enough, I have no more time for this marlarky,” Seamus announced. “Ye didn’t even offer me a pint.”

“Then give us the gold!” Horace yelled at him.

The leprechaun stared at the gargoyle. “Ye three didna do me right. Ye three didna leave me sight. Ye three must pay the piper and see the light.” He picked up his flute and played a variety of notes that seemed to fly in the air like glowing gnats and buzzed around the trio.

“Hey!” Horace swatted at the intruders, but they only swarmed closer.

“No!” The slippers wailed as they were likewise attacked.

Just as suddenly, their assailants were gone. And so was Seamus and his pot of gold.

Fluff and Puff stared at each other; their razor sharp toothy mouths wide open. “We’re green!” They turned to face Horace who looked down at himself.

“What the –“ The gargoyle practically wheezed. “I’m – I’m –“

“Gold.” The slippers whispered the word with the reverence they usually only gave to licorice root and chocolate.

Horace threw his claws up to the sky. “I look like an Academy Award!” he wailed, before looking down. “Don’t even think it,” he growled, as the slippers advanced on him with the same intensity Elmer Fudd used in tracking Bugs Bunny. “What are you doing?” He fought the net that covered him as the slippers tipped him to the ground and began slowly, but steadily, dragging him out of the glade.

“Do you know what gold’s going for now?” Fluff asked his best bud as they made their way.

“No, but we can check once we get him home.” Puff ignored Horace’s curses and threats as they hauled their booty back to the magick portal that would send them back home. “We should probably pick up some bleach too. Green isn’t a good color for me.”

Just remember – you also need a dram of whiskey or a pint if you catch a leprechaun and demand his pot ‘o gold or you might end up green or gold too!

Love and Bunny Slippers

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Fluff looked over Barney’s shoulder as the whie mini Schnauzer tapped away on the laptop keyboard.

“Easy peasy. I watch Mom do this every day,” the dog insisted, waving him off with a paw.

“This won’t work,” Puff groused, rummaging in a drawer.

“You better get out of Linda’s chocolate stash,” Barney warned. “If she finds that See’s box empty of her Bordeauxs she’ll be having Jazz lock you up for the next thousand years.” He groaned as he watched an empty white box fly into the air and fall over. “I shouldn’t even do this for you!”

“Sure you will. Or we’ll tell Linda YOU were the one in her chocolate.” Puff wiped chocolate off his face.

Barney uttered doggy curses as he returned to the computer. “Here we go, Freaklist. See anyone you like?” He sat back on his haunches so his fuzzy buddies could get a peek.

“Eh, you could do better.” Fluff scrunched up his nose.

“He doesn’t understand our world,” Puff reminded his cohort.

“Wait ‘til I’m in a book,” Barney muttered.

The bunny slippers hooted. “You’ll never be in one of Linda’s books!"

“Ha! She’s already got plans for me.” The small dog smirked.

“As what? A miniature Yeti?” The two slippers rolled around the floor in laughter, pleased with their retort.

“Oh, you’ll see.” Barney already saw himself as a true star. He continued scrolling down. “I’m going to make you guys total toast when it’s my turn.”

Fluff rolled over as a flash of pink caught his eye. “Yes!” He shot over to the laptop and used his ear to tap the keys. “Puff!” His fuzzy partner in crime was soon beside him.

“So pretty,” he breathed. Puff practically crawled over his friend to stare lovingly at the pink bunny high-heeled slippers named Val N Tine. “I’m in love,” he cooed.

“Email them! Now!” Barney clicked away then reared back, almost falling back on his butt. “Whoa! You guys better be prepared to grovel big time.”

“Why?” Fluff demanded.

"They live with Cupid.” The bunny slippers thought back to all the damage they’d done to Cupid’s digs.

“How many chocolate truffles do you think it will take to make him like us again?” Fluff asked. “Get Krebs’ black AmEx,” Puff told him. “And any other credit card you can find! We’re going to need to do some major shopping.”

Barney looked at the smears of chocolate on the carpet, the custom made blinds, the ceiling, and the furniture.

“You better get a boatload of See’s Bordeaux for Linda too, cuz no way I’m taking the blame for this.”

"There’s a way out,” Puff said, heading for a cabinet and pulling out a stack of spell books. “We are so going to meet those babes!”

Black Friday With Fluff and Puff

“Why couldn’t we stay home?” Puff whined from his spot in Jazz’s Marc Jacobs pink leather tote, as she wove her way through the hordes of people that pushed around Jazz.“Because you might come in handy.” Jazz had the grim determination you only saw one day a year. The day after Thanksgiving when serious shoppers came out to do their holiday shopping. She was there armed with credit cards, ready to do what it took to get all her shopping out of the way.Fluff’s ears curved over the top of the bag, then his eyes peeped over, widening at the mob around them. “I’m going back to the car.”Jazz tightened her hold on the bag. “No, you’re not.” She pushed her way into Nordstrom on the quest for the perfect gifts. It wasn’t long before she found a leather jacket for Nick, an even cuter leather jacket for herself, sweaters for Stasi and Blair, a wrap for Thea and she was still going strong.“I want a pretzel,” Puff demanded.“Later.” Jazz’s gaze narrowed as she spied a plum silk top across the store. She made her way there, but someone else saw the top too and there was only the one. “Create a diversion. Trip her,” she muttered, unceremoniously dumping them out of her bag.“Pretzel,” Puff reminded her.“Yeah, yeah.” But her mind was on the prize. The slippers growled their way among the shoppers, who tended to stay out of their way, yet not one screamed or fainted as their magick protected them.Jazz remained behind them, watching the woman destined to lose the top, because IT WAS HERS. She started to throw out a freeze spell, but she made a promise not to use magick when shopping. Sigh! She quickened her steps and practically slid across the floor reaching out for the top the same time as the other woman.“I believe this is mine,” the woman said frostily, practically jerking Jazz off her feet as she pulled on the hanger.“I was here first.” Jazz was happy to see that Fluff and Puff were on either side of her new enemy. She wanted this top, damn it!Just then the woman yelped and released the hanger.Puff slid back, looking proud of himself. “Now I get my pretzel.”“After I finish my shopping.” Jazz glared at the woman who looked ready to pitch into her. “Not getting this top isn’t the end of the world,” she told her before she walked off.“Pretzel!” Puff raised his voice.“You promised!” Fluff added his two cents.“Give it a rest. I said I’ll get you guys pretzels after I finish here. Oooh, pretty!” She squeaked to a stop by a large rack of silk dresses.Fluff and Puff didn’t say another word, but sulked big time as Jazz finished her shopping in the store and added more large shopping bags to her arms.As she exited the store, alarms went off big time.“What the –“ Jazz looked around to see who’d set off the security alarm when a hulkish type man wearing a khaki uniform came up to her.“If you’ll come with me, ma’am,” he said quietly, taking her arm in a hold that said to come with him or else.“What’s the problem?” She so wanted to zap him good, but she knew it wouldn’t be a good idea.“We believe you have items you haven’t paid for.” He steered her toward the offices.“Oh believe me, I paid for everything and have the receipts and depleted charge card to show for it.” If she wasn’t on probation with the Witches Council, she would have used a spell to get out of there without any fuss, but she knew the man was wrong and there was nothing she loved more than showing a man he was wrong. “So what exactly didn’t I pay for?”Once in the office, she set her shopping bags down and looked the part of a disgruntled shopper. After all, she had more sales to plunder! More gifts to buy! And there was that gorgeous dress she saw in the paper that she knew would be perfect on her.The security officer reached into one bag and pulled out two fluffy items.Jazz stared at Fluff and Puff and laughed. “Are you kidding me? They’re mine. I brought them with me for when my feet get tired.” She gestured with her stiletto boots.“Sure, lady. We all don’t believe in taking the price tags off our own items.” He dropped them on the desk, where, damn them, they didn’t move an inch and acted as if they were literal footwear, and picked up a phone. “And we have zero tolerance against shoplifters here.”Jazz picked them up, gasped at the fifty-dollar price tag and glared at them hard enough to cause steam to come out of her ears. “You little shits,” she gritted. “You reveal yourselves now.” Nothing.The guard shook his head and picked up the phone.Ten minutes later, Jazz was escorted out of the office by a police officer. When she glanced over her shoulder at the slippers still lying on the desk, she saw Puff slowly close one eye in a wink and mouth the word pretzel.So a word of warning.If you’re at the mall and see bunny slippers, have a pretzel ready. They prefer the cinnamon sugar ones.

Fluff and Puff Looking For Love

The conest is closed, but there will be another one next month and once I have my virtual tour for guest blogs and interview finalized I'll be posting it here. There will be a lot of fun contests there also.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Fluff looked over Barney’s shoulder as the mini Schnauzer tapped away on the laptop keyboard.

“I watch Mom do this every day,” the dog insisted, waving him off with a paw.

“This won’t work,” Puff groused, rummaging in a drawer.

“You better get out of Linda’s chocolate stash,” Barney warned. “If she finds that See’s box empty of her Bordeauxs she’ll be having Jazz lock you up for the next thousand years.” He groaned as he watched an empty white box fly into the air and fall over. “I shouldn’t even do this for you!”

“Sure you will. Or we’ll tell Linda YOU were the one in her chocolate.” Puff wiped chocolate off his face.

Barney uttered doggy curses as he returned to the computer.

“Here we go, Freaklist. See anyone you like?” He sat back on his haunches so his fuzzy buddies could get a peek.

“Eh, you could do better.” Fluff scrunched up his nose.

“He doesn’t understand our world,” Puff reminded his cohort.

“Wait ‘til I’m in a book,” Barney muttered.

The bunny slippers hooted. “You’ll never be in one of Linda’s books!’

“Ha! She’s already got plans for me.” The small dog smirked.

“As what? A miniature Yeti?” The two slippers rolled around the floor in laughter.

“Oh, you’ll see.” Barney already saw himself as a true star. He continued scrolling down. “I’m going to make you guys total toast when it’s my turn.”

Fluff rolled over as a flash of pink caught his eye. “Yes!” He shot over to the laptop and used his ear to tap the keys. “Puff!” His fuzzy partner in crime was soon beside him. “So pretty,” he breathed.

Puff practically crawled over his friend to stare lovingly at the pink bunny high-heeled slippers named Val N Tine.

“I’m in love,” he cooed. “Email them! Now!”

Barney clicked away then reared back, almost falling back on his butt. “Whoa! You guys better be prepared to grovel big time.”

“Why?” Fluff demanded.

“Fifi and Pam live with Cupid.”

The bunny slippers thought of all the damage they’d done to Cupid’s digs.

“How many chocolate truffles do you think it will take to make him like us again?” Fluff asked.

“Get Krebs’ black AmEx,” Puff told him. “And any other credit card you can find!”

Barney looked at the smears of chocolate on the carpet, the mini blinds, the ceiling?, and the furniture. “You better get a boatload of See’s Bordeaux for Linda too, cuz no way I’m taking the blame for this.”

“There’s a way out,” Puff said, heading for a cabinet and pulling out a book. “We are so going to meet those babes!”

And in celebration of our new loves, we are offering up a signed Advanced Reading Copy of Linda’s April release, Demons Are A Girl’s Best Friend. Oh yeah, we’ll get Linda to sign it for you!

The winner will be chosen from the comments left on Barney, Fluff, and Puff’s Valentine post from 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM, February 14, 2011. Chances of winning is determined by the number of comments. The contest is open to US and international readers.

Black Friday with Jazz, Fluff and Puff

Why did we have to come with you?" Puff whined from his spot in Jazz’s Marc Jacobs pink leather tote, as she wove her way through the hordes of people that pushed around Jazz.

“Because you might come in handy.” Jazz had the grim determination you only saw one day a year. The day after Thanksgiving when serious shoppers came out to do their holiday shopping. She was there armed with credit cards, ready to do what it took to get all her shopping out of the way.

Fluff’s ears curved over the top of the bag, then his eyes peeped over, widening at the mob around them. “I’m going back to the car.”

Jazz tightened her hold on the bag. “No, you’re not.” She pushed her way into Nordstrom on the quest for the perfect gifts. It wasn’t long before she found a leather jacket for Nick, an even cuter leather jacket for herself, sweaters for Stasi and Blair, a wrap for Thea and she was still going strong.

“I want a pretzel,” Puff demanded.

“Later.” Jazz’s gaze narrowed as she spied a plum silk top across the store. She made her way there, but someone else saw the top too and there was only the one. “Create a diversion. Trip her,” she muttered, unceremoniously dumping them out of her bag.

“Pretzel,” Puff reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah.” But her mind was on the prize. The slippers growled their way among the shoppers, who tended to stay out of their way, yet not one screamed or fainted as their magick protected them.

Jazz remained behind them, watching the woman destined to lose the top, because IT WAS HERS. She started to throw out a freeze spell, but she made a promise not to use magick when shopping. Sigh! She quickened her steps and practically slid across the floor reaching out for the top the same time as the other woman.

“I believe this is mine,” the woman said frostily, practically jerking Jazz off her feet as she pulled on the hanger.

“I was here first.” Jazz was happy to see that Fluff and Puff were on either side of her new enemy. She wanted this top, damn it!

Just then the woman yelped and released the hanger.

Puff slid back, looking proud of himself. “Now I get my pretzel.”

“After I finish my shopping.” Jazz glared at the woman who looked ready to pitch into her. “Not getting this top isn’t the end of the world,” she told her before she walked off.

“Pretzel!” Puff raised his voice.

“You promised!” Fluff added his two cents.

“Give it a rest. I said I’ll get you guys pretzels after I finish here. Oooh, pretty!” She squeaked to a stop by a large rack of silk dresses.

Fluff and Puff didn’t say another word, but sulked big time as Jazz finished her shopping in the store and added more large shopping bags to her arms.

As she exited the store, alarms went off big time.

“What the –“ Jazz looked around to see who’d set off the security alarm when a hulkish type man wearing a khaki uniform came up to her.

“If you’ll come with me, ma’am,” he said quietly, taking her arm in a hold that said to come with him or else.

“What’s the problem?” She so wanted to zap him good, but she knew it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“We believe you have items you haven’t paid for.” He steered her toward the offices.

“Oh believe me, I paid for everything and have the receipts and depleted charge card to show for it.” If she wasn’t on probation with the Witches Council, she would have used a spell to get out of there without any fuss, but she knew the man was wrong and there was nothing she loved more than showing a man he was wrong. “So what exactly didn’t I pay for?”

Once in the office, she set her shopping bags down and looked the part of a disgruntled shopper. After all, she had more sales to plunder! More gifts to buy! And there was that gorgeous dress she saw in the paper that she knew would be perfect on her.

The security officer reached into one bag and pulled out two fluffy items.

Jazz stared at Fluff and Puff and laughed. “Are you kidding me? They’re mine. I brought them with me for when my feet get tired.” She gestured with her stiletto boots.

“Sure, lady. We all don’t believe in taking the price tags off our own items.” He dropped them on the desk, where, damn them, they didn’t move an inch and acted as if they were literal footwear, and picked up a phone. “And we have zero tolerance against shoplifters here.”

Jazz picked them up, gasped at the fifty-dollar price tag and glared at them hard enough to cause steam to come out of her ears. “You little shits,” she gritted. “You reveal yourselves now.” Nothing.

The guard shook his head and picked up the phone.

Ten minutes later, Jazz was escorted out of the office by a police officer. When she glanced over her shoulder at the slippers still lying on the desk, she saw Puff slowly close one eye in a wink and mouth the word pretzel.

So a word of warning.

If you’re at the mall and fangy see bunny slippers in the stores, have a a nice big soft pretzel ready. They prefer the cinnamon sugar ones.

Linda

A Halloween Surprise

“Are you sure Jazz said there was a party here?” Fluff looked through the tall iron gates at a house that should have fallen down in the 1800s. Spires rose high, partially blocking the moon.

“Yeah.” Puff stood beside him. “This is the address she gave me.”

“What do you expect for a Samhain party?” Horace grumbled, stabbing a button. The gates creaked and groaned as they slowly opened wide.

“Lights.”

“Music.”

“Candy,” they said in unison.

The trio walked up the drive toward the front door. They paused when a candle drifted past an upstairs window.

“Geez, she’s trying to scare us with a haunted house,” Puff said, now disgusted. “Come on, like anything could scare us. Whoa!” He ducked with a dark form swooped past his head, brushing his ears. “What the Hades was that?”

“Bats. I hate bats.” Horace raised a clawed fist in the air. “Outta here, you vermin! We were invited here.”

“So were we,” one bat responded in a squeaky snark. “We’re part of the atmosphere.” He flew off with his buddies. They all flew into a single digit formation.

“Your grandmother was eaten by Dracul!” Puff shouted, as they continued up the drive.

An owl hooted from a spindly tree and another owl flew nearby.

An eerie howl sounded from the house along with creaking doors opening and closing and a piercing woman’s scream cut through the air.

“Whoa.” Fluff skidded to a stop. “That was really loud.” He slid backwards a few paces. “How come there’s no cars here? Or party voices? And why didn’t Jazz take us with her and Nick?”

“Stasi and Blair wouldn’t let me go with them either,” Horace groused. He ambled up the wooden steps that groaned under his weight.

“They couldn’t have found a better place for a party,” Puff commented, looking at the porch, the splintered wood silvered with cobwebs,

Horace tried the lion-faced door knocker, but no sound was made. “Freaky.” He looked around and finally spied the doorbell button. He stabbed it then winced as another scream erupted throughout the interior. The door slowly slid open with a fingernails on chalkboard screech. “How lame is this.” He walked in with the bunny slippers behind him.

“Where’s the party?” Puff shouted. “And lights?”

“If there be light, let it be shown,” Fluff spelled. “Give us light!”

A lone candle beamed in the distance, floating mid air.

“Oookay.” The three started to turn toward the door that now slammed shut and sounds of locks snicking shut echoed in the air.

“There’s no party here. They sent us to a haunted house.” Horace bypassed the staircase and headed for the candle.

“No hauntings here.” A skeleton stood in a doorway. He grinned maniacally then suddenly disappeared.

“Ho ho, so not creepy,” Fluff sneered, his ears swiveling like a periscope. “We’ve been frightened by the best. There’s nothing you can do that will scare us.”

“Yeah, bring out your worst!” Puff challenged.

“There better be some hot babes at the end of this,” Horace demanded, leading the way down the long hallway where the suspended candle still beckoned with a soft orange glow. “Or at least really good food.”

Wooooo! A blast of icy air assaulted the trio from an open doorway. When they stopped to look they saw two women in shrouds floating in the room. Each only boasted half a face.

“Oh wow, I am so scared. I want my mommy,” Horace scoffed.

“Yikes!” Puff jumped in the air. “Something just touched me.” He looked around but there was nothing near him.

Fluff huddled closer to his brother. “I don’t think this is a good place for us. Let’s go home and raid the neighbors for candy.”

They froze when heavy footsteps sounded upstairs.

“That’s it. They’re up there.” Horace gestured for the bunny slippers to follow him just as the hovering candle winked out.

“Oh ick!” The first step slowed them down as something ooey and gooey attacked them. It grew more difficult as they climbed upward.

As they slogged up the last step a tall figure appeared.

“Welcome my pretties.” Jazz, wearing a black dress and peaked hat held out an old fashioned broom.

“Clichéd much, Jazz?” Puff laughed. “You really thought all that stuff would scare us?”

“Come with me,” she invited, turning gracefully, her voluminous dress sweeping around her body.

“I see our honored guests have arrived.” Nick, handsome in evening clothes and red silk-lined cape popped into sight. His fangs shoe white in the darkness.

“Gee, if only we’d known it was a costume party.” Horace laughed, holding his arms over his rounded tummy.

“Hey!” Fluff snarled and snapped his own fangy teeth at a rat that ran across him.

They followed the witch and vampire down the hall, pausing every so often to view portraits turn from normal people to horrific faces, sneer at blood running down the walls, and hands shoot out to grab them.

“The haunted house in Hollywood was better than this,” Puff told Jazz.

“Ah, but this one has something very special for you,” she intoned in a deep voice.

“Something you may not appreciate,” Nick used his best Bela Lugosi voice.

The room they reached was huge, yellow from candlelight and a fire burning in the massive fireplace. Stasi and Blair were dressed in their own witchy garb, while Trev wore dark purple wizard robes and Jake wore his Border collie fur. Ghostly Irma wore an eye-bleeding colorful mini dress from the 1960's while her spectral beau, Phinneas could have been the sixth Beatle. They were scarier than the other supes in the room.

"Peace baby!" Irma chirped, holding her two fingers up in the traditional sign.

A large table laden with food beckoned the hungry slippers and gargoyle, but they quickly discovered they couldn’t get to it.

“What the hell is going on?” Horace demanded.

“Yeah!”

“There is something that needs to be done first.” Jazz snapped her fingers. A large bubbling cauldron appeared nearby. Steam roiled upwards along with the rich smell of herbs.

Horace sniffed appreciatively. “Stew?”

Fluff and Puff backed up when they saw Jazz’s smile. Except there was no where to go when they found themselves surrounded by witches, vampires, wizards, and Weres, oh my!

“Something you three have needed for some time now,” Blair said, caressing the coarse bristles of her broom.

“And once it’s done you can eat all your tummies will hold,” Stasi promised.

“What’s done?” Fluff asked suspiciously.

“It’s a trap!” Puff shouted, but it was too late. “Get us out. Get us out! Get us out!” He pointed his ears in the air, but his magick fizzled out like a dead 4th of July sparkler.

The three cowered and howled with displeasure as the witches each picked one of them up and carried them to the large cauldron.

“Exactly,” Jazz said, dropping Puff into the hot water.

“WAH!” But it was too late.

Fluff, Puff, and Horace were now terrified as they’d never been fearful before.

After all, what can be more horrifying than a Halloween bath for smelly dirty slippers and gargoyle?

Walking the Dog

“Ohboyohboyohboy.” Barney trotted down the sidewalk, pulling hard on his leash. He paused to lift his leg and water a small bush. ‘Comeoncomeoncomeon.” He started up again, moving so fast he jerked his dog walker off his feet. “Hey! Dog on a mission here.”

“Can we keep this to a leisurely walk?” Horace grumbled, grabbing the leather lead and gathering the mini-Schnauzer in. He glared at his two fuzzy companions. “I don’t see why I had to come too.”

“You’ve got hands,” Fluff said, then amended, “well, claws.” He hopped up on Barney’s back. The dog’s head swiveled around. His low growl alerted the bunny slipper it wasn’t a good idea. “Not like I weigh a million pounds,” he mumbled, returning to his fellow slipper’s side as they followed dog and gargoyle.

“Oh gross!” Puff gagged. “What in Hades did you eat?” he demanded, covering his nose with his ears. “And Jazz says we’re bad, but you’re way beyond disgusting. Look at that! Flowers around us are dying. The grass is turning black.”

“I should have brought a gas mask.” Horace pinched his nose shut with his free claw. “Gah! I swear I can taste it.”

“Wusses,” Barney jeered, twisting around to sniff his butt. “Oh yeah, that’s a good one.” He then paused to investigate a lamp post. He ran his nose went over the base with the thoroughness of a shop vac. “Wow, Fritz was here not long ago. Maybe he’s down at the park.”

“Yeah, volunteer to take the mutt to the park,” Horace muttered.

“You would too if Linda promised to make you a mega batch of her Texas brownies,” Fluff told him. He glared at a cat that hopped up on a fence and hissed at him. “Yeah, try this, Garfield.” He pointed one of his ears at the cat, zinging magick his way. The feline shot up in the air a few feet then nimbly landed on his feet before streaking off. “Yeah, cat, I could have made you fly!” The slipper yelled after the flash of fur.

“Those brownies better be worth it,” the gargoyle said, ambling toward the large grassy park in the middle of the next housing tract. “Although, I’d rather have a case of Jack Daniels.”

“Oh yeah, I can see Linda doing that.” Puff smirked. “You drunk is worse than Jazz drunk and she’s really bad.”

“Parkparkpark!” Barney almost pulled Horace off his clawed feet as he ran down the sidewalk toward the grassy area. Several dogs on leashes ran around while the playground was filled with small children playing on the equipment.
“Hey, stone face!” One twenty-something shouted at Horace. “Clean up after your dog!”

“He’s not my dog!” The gargoyle snarled even as he turned to see Barney doing his thing. “Oh man!” He stalked over to the post holding plastic bags and tossed a couple to Fluff and Puff. “Make yourselves useful.”

The bunny slippers caught the bags with their ears, threw them over Barney’s poo and zapped the mess to the trash can.

“Throwmetheball. Throwmetheball.” Barney bounced up and down so hard he practically levitated off all four feet. He rushed Horace, hopping up to push him with his front paws.

“Fine.” Horace pulled a tennis ball out of a hidden pocket and tossed it within leash length. Barney raced toward it, grabbed the ball and brought it back, springing up and down until the gargoyle threw it again … and again … and again. “Enough!” Horace plopped down on the grass and lay back. Fluff and Puff were already settled back in colorful beach chairs – Horace had no clue where the slippers hid those! – with sunglasses on and their fuzzy faces shiny with sunblock. “Those brownies better be worth it,” he muttered.

“Againagainagain!” Barney pushed Horace with his nose with urgency vibrating through his body.

“Find someone else to throw the damn ball.” He pushed back then closed his eyes.

“I’ll tell Linda and she won’t make brownies,” the mini-Schnauzer threatened. “She’ll take me to Petco for my puppy biscotti instead.”

“Ha! She can’t speak dog.” Horace pointed a claw at him. “So do whatever and let me take a nap.”

“What a cute dog!”

Horace opened his eyes to see two cute young women in tank tops and shorts oohing and ahhing over Barney who took the praise in typical canine stride. As in, he was well behaved and looking all too cute. No way was Horace going to allow the dog to get all the attention, so he made sure to show off his roguish charm while Fluff and Puff even got into the act. Pretty soon the girls were giggling and Barney was left to his own devices.

Never a good thing when a mini-Schnauzer knows just what to do to exact revenge.

*****
“Where are they?” Linda fumed as she glanced at the kitchen clock. “They should have been back an hour ago. No way are they getting Texas brownies now.” She refilled her coffee cup and looked out the front window. She turned away then spun around when she heard unearthly shrieks from the sidewalk.

Linda flung open the front door and stared at a sight that had her alternately ready to scream and laughing.

“He pissed on me!” Horace shouted, waving the leash loop back and forth.

“Dog spit! Dog spit!” Fluff and Puff wailed from the wet confines of Barney’s mouth as the muddy dog trotted up to his mistress and dropped his fuzzy bundle to the ground.

The slippers made gagging noises as they crawled into the house.

“We need hot baths. Lots and lots of boiling water. Antibacterial soap,” Fluff moaned. “Tetanus shots.”

“You’re magick. You don’t get sick,” Linda informed them.

“Once he pissed on me like I was some damn lamppost, every dog in the park did the same,” Horace complained, starting to slide past Linda, but she stopped him.

“No way are you coming inside smelling like that. Hose off in the front yard.” She looked down at Barney. “And you, mister, are going to the groomers for a bath. How did he get so dirty? All you were supposed to do was take him to the park, play for awhile, and come back.” She pointed at the hose reel before picking up Barney and holding him at arm’s length while she went back into the house.

Horace picked up the hose and turned on the water. His screech as the cold water hit him shattered a few windows and toppled a couple trees.

“No brownies are worth all this.”

What do you think? What would you do for really rich chocolaty brownies?