This blog is dedicated to my sister of my heart, Mary Anne Wilson who believed the movie cough among other crazy stunts were necessary to keep talkers away from us.
It pays to be devious. Only witches could accomplish it better.
A Hexy Night at the Movies
“Did
you get my Red Vines?” Jazz led the way into the semi dark theater with Blair
behind her and Nick and Jake behind the witches.
“Yes.”
Nick handled his load with remarkable ease.
“Peanut
M&Ms?” She snuck a few buttered popcorn kernels into her mouth then a sip
of her large cherry vanilla flavored Diet Coke.
“Of
course.”
“Red
Hots for my popcorn and Milk Duds?”
“Yes.”
The word was snapped out. “Jazz, I’m pretty sure I maxed out my Visa for your
snacks. After all these centuries I don’t know where you put all the food you
eat.”
“Don’t.
Ask.” Jake warned Blair as he balanced his own heavy load of snacks.
“I
hope you remembered my Junior Mints.” Blair tried to look through the stack for
her chocolatey treats, but he used a momentary free hand to slap her hands.
“You
can wait until we’re seated.”
The
two witches climbed up to the top of the theater and staked out four seats.
“How
did you get advance showing tickets to the hottest movie this summer?” Blair
asked Jazz.
“Executive
producer client, ex-partner casting mega curse that I unraveled and saved him
millions of dollars. He also gave me a $1000 gift card as a tip,” she confided
as she poured the Red Hots candies into her popcorn. “This witch will be doing
some shopping this week.”
“Remind
me again why we came with them?” Jake asked Nick.
“Like she said. Hottest movie ever with
even hotter lead actress.” Nick sighed. “I really need to upgrade my clientele.
I rarely get a thank you, much less a gift card”
“Duuude! How awesome is this?” Four
twentysomethings bounced into the theater and took over the front row with a
couple seats between them and began tossing popcorn at each other.
Jazz glared at the noisy foursome.
“Not again.” Nick grimaced as he noticed
her twitching eyelid. “Don’t even think about it, Jazz,” he warned her. “We’re
banned from enough theaters now.”
“Seriously? They’re going to talk on their
phones the whole time?” Blair grumbled.
“Even worse,” Jazz warned, staring down
the stairs as a man who was easily 7’ tall lumbered up the stairs. “Stay in the
middle,” she murmured. “No, sit right there. Okay, that row would work for you.
Noooo!” she moaned as the man settled in the seat in front of her giving her a
close up view of his dandruff problem.
Jake shared a look with Nick. “What
makes me think this won’t be pretty?”
“Because it won’t times a million.”
Jazz’s nose twitched, but she wasn’t
that witch so no magick erupted. Instead, she covered her mouth and leaned forward
coughing with a wet rasp.
Jake’s horror reflected in his voice. “You’re
going to cough up a lung!”
Jazz only coughed harder.
The man in front of her looked over his
shoulder with a glare that matched hers.
“You can forget trying to hack up a
lung, bitch. I’ve had my shots.” He started to turn back around then froze at
the red glowing vampire eyes and a Were Border Collie snarl.
“You. Need. To. Move.” Nick’s voice was
a deadly calm that warned something Very Bad was coming.
The man stumbled to his feet and left
his seat leaving his popcorn and drink behind. “You four are crazy,” he
muttered, moving to the opposite side of the theater.
“My hero,” Jazz cooed, resting her palm
against Nick’s cheek and kissing him.
“Love the snarl,” Blair purred, doing
the same with Jake. “Do it again later and I’ll purr even more for you.”
“Grr.” He playfully snapped his teeth at
her.
“All the reviews for this movie say it’s
the action film of the decade,” a young woman told her date as the couple
entered the theater. “I can’t wait to see the scenes you said you were in.”
Her high pitched voice that could
shatter glass went on to detail the history of the main actors and why they’re
perfect for the movie then on to their love lives. It was clear her date was
more focused on her abundant charms flowing over her skintight low cut top.
“I don’t think she’s taken a breath
once,” Blair muttered.
It
wasn’t long before the witches directed their glares on her.
“Oh no,” Nick groaned, planting his hand
against his face.
“Bad?” Jake asked.
“Grauman’s Chinese Theatre all over
again.” The vampire slid down in his seat.
“Not even close, baby.” Jazz patted his
hand without taking her eyes off the non-stopping talker.
“Was that the time --?”
“No, this was about two years ago,” Jazz
told Blair. “The time you’re thinking of was in New York City in 1962.”
Jake’s head swiveled between the two
witches. “This is normal for you?”
“If that’s how you want to call it.”
Nick pulled a Red Vine out of its box and practically jammed it in Jazz’s
mouth. She grabbed the red licorice and bit down hard.
“They’ll probably quiet down when the
movie begins.” Jake tried the let’s look
on the bright side suggestion.
“There will be quiet one way or
another,” Jazz said brightly, picking up a handful of Red Hots cinnamon candy
dotted popcorn and nibbling away.
“You weren’t like this way when we saw
the last Star Trek,” Jake said to Blair.
She smiled. “That’s because we had a
quiet theater.”
Nick mouthed told you behind the witches’ backs.
There was no denying the anticipation
for the upcoming thriller as the lights dimmed and movie trailers began.
That’s when Nick and Jake’s tension
grew.
“Oh my God! Look what’s coming out next
month! Sweetie, we have to see it!” The high pitched voice could have cut
glass. A moment later. “Oh no, I’m sorry, but I don’t see anything with blood.
I have a horrible phobia about blood. I cut my finger once and fainted when it
started bleeding. The EMT that came refused to see how serious it was.”
“I wonder what she’d say if she knew
there was a vampire here who just loves blood,” Jazz whispered.
“Probably ask if I know Edward from Twilight without even thinking about the
blood part,” Nick muttered.
Jake snickered.
“You’ll always be my vampire honey bunny,” Jazz cooed, resting her head on Nick’s
shoulder.
“Duude! Look at her boobs!” One
twentysomething hooted. “Talk about more than a handful. I could totally do
that bitch. Am I right?” He high fived one of his equally brainless buddies.
“Yeah, that’s more than enough,” Jazz
decided.
“The opening credits have barely began,”
Nick said.
“You heard the lady. That’s more than
enough,” Blair agreed.
Nick leaned his head back catching
Jake’s attention. With vampire and Were Border Collie not needing light to see
each other, Jake had no trouble reading Nick’s lips. And now it begins.
***
“Best
movie ever!” Blair enthused as they descended the stairs to the theater exit.
“Talk about mega driving skills without using magik.”
“I
loved it when they drove through the mall at 100 miles an hour,” Jazz chimed
in. “Too bad they crashed the Lamborghini.”
“Too
bad that beautiful fountain was taken out.”
“What
do you think?” Jazz looked at Nick.
“Excellent
film. All the action and chaos we enjoy.”
“Uh,
ma’am.” A theater employee pushing a trash barrel looked first at the exiting foursome
then the rest of the theater. “What happened?” He dared to ask.
The
two witches looked over their shoulders at the rest of the audience peacefully
snoozing in their seats.
“I
can’t believe they slept through the film,” Blair said with wide-eyed
innocence.
“Tell
me about it,” Jazz said. “There was absolutely nothing boring about the movie.”
She tsked. “I loved it,” with Blair’s approval of her statement.
Nick
and Jake followed the chattering females out of the theater.
“Maybe
we go to a concert next time?” Jake suggested. “It’s expected to be noisy.”
“Google
strange happenings at Woodstock,” Nick advised. “Don’t worry, you’ll get
used to it.”
“How
long will they sleep?” Jake asked Jazz and Blair once they were outside.
“Not
long. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes.” Blair wasn’t concerned.
“We
did add that don’t talk during the movie amendment
to the spell,” Jazz brought up. “So probably a half hour. What do you say we
stop somewhere for a snack? I could really go for a good bacon cheeseburger.”
“Sounds
good to me.” Blair grabbed Jake’s hand and steered him toward the car. “How
about that 50s style diner we went to the last time Stasi and I were here? Or
are you banned from there?”
“Not
yet.” Nick pulled Jazz toward his car.
“I
heard the whole audience was asleep in one of the theaters,” a woman exclaimed
to the man with her as they walked past. “Do you think it was a gas leak or
something?”
Moral
to the story. It’s not advisable to talk during the movie in case there’s a
witch there who might zap you with a Sleeping
Beauty spell.
